Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
