i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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