the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Randomize
