kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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