I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
