Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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