Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
