It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
