Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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