Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
