its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
