dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
