my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
