If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
