Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
