well I can't set my house on fire every night
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
