if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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