i permit you to call me
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
