I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
bring money and cleavage
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
