***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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