took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
