i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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