just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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