Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
