So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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