i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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