The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
