I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
