U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
