Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
