i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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