You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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