can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
