That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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