so explain again why im purple
no
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
