Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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