I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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