the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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