All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize