i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I didn't notice because vodka
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
