Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
