We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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