last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize