I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
