yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
