I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize