all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think people are normalizing furries
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