We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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