I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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