dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize