We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
