just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
