he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
