If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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