I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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