Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
