We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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