i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
