the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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