I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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