paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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