I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
