What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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