YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
