I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
